release form

http://www.melmedcenter.com/uploads/9/5/3/0/9530176/records_-_authorization_for_release.pdf

Pragmatism

Pragmatism

 

1. 1.       Introduction

In this paper, I will discuss W.K. Clifford’s arguments, and William James’s responses.  James has argued that it is okay to believe something if it is living, forced, and momentous. However, Clifford says it is morally wrong to believe anything that way because people in society will generally start accepting everything and become hesitant to test and question. However, James’s response covers that by saying only if it fits three categories…thereby making it a somewhat rare occurrence.  And my point says the two can support each other.

 

1. 2.       An overview of the debate

There are two main positions in this debate. Clifford is an Evidentialist.  An Evidentialist believes that everything should be questioned and nothing should be accepted on sheer trust or faith.   Evidentialists often debate about what counts as evidence and what doesn’t.

James is a Pragmatist.  Pragmatists believe that there are certain situations when you can believe something.  They also believe that if nobody acted on faith or trust that people would have less good moral character like courage and other related values.

However, it is very rarely addressed that someone can be both things, as long  they aren’t a strict evidentialist. That is my point of view, sort of a mix.

 

1. 3.       Clifford’s argument

So what exactly makes something count as evidence? Or rather, why seek for answers for almost every topic? W.K. Clifford writes that “it is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence” (518).  This just says that it is morally important to believe something without evidence, personally. Though it doesn’t totally support the issue, there is a point to be made about trying to make justifications based on evidence.  Another point he makes that is illustrated in this quote is: “…if I let myself believe anything on insufficient evidence, there may be no great harm done by the mere belief; it may be true after all, or I may never have occasion to exhibit it in outward acts. But I cannot help doing this great wrong towards Man, that I make myself credulous. The danger to society is not merely that it should believe wrong things, though that is great enough; but that it should become credulous, and lose the habit of testing things and inquiring into them; for then it must sink back into savagery.” (Clifford 1879, 185–6) Basically, that if he or anyone believes certain ideas without testing them, then society as a whole will fall into that pattern.

 

1. 4.       My argument  to counter Clifford’s argument

James is quick to counter the first argument by saying: “a rule of thinking which would absolutely prevent me from acknowledging certain kinds of truth if those kinds of truth were really there, would be an irrational rule.” Basically that if he were to follow that rule, and only that rule, he would not have many options and might miss some truth that could help him progress. Also, he points out that not every person would be able to use just acceptance for every thought or idea (Clifford’s fear). Instead, the option would have to be live, forced, and momentous. In which case, the idea is applicable to the person at the time, they must make a decision, and the decision will impact their life greatly. Because not many opportunities like that come up in life, it should be a viable option when presented. In the end, he says that Evidentialism is not a totally horrible idea, but it is just one way of thinking. This brings us to the point that pragmatism can be used to support Evidentialism because when a point is able to be believed with sheer faith, when the science comes out to prove it right, that makes it that much more convincing. Furthermore, if everything was believed only on Evidentialism, then people would have less passion, less culture, and many social structures would be ruined. Many people say this is a good thing. Yet, how do they know. It’s like in economics, you can say that such change would have a positive impact in a certain way; but, until you actual see how it affects everything, the point is moot. Finally, most people would address the death of pragmatism, as only a religious thing, but as I said earlier, it would affect entire cultures around the world and possibly the psychology of humans. People would give up values like faith, hope, and trust possibly anything that isn’t 100% proved.  Since faith belongs to religion, hope belongs to the human spirit of kindness, and trust belongs to psychology. Whereas, if both were used together,  it would create this higher order human that both knows how to use their intellect and heart.

 

1. 5.       Conclusion

Although Evidentialism wasn’t fully proven as wrong, James did have good points to show that it was not the only way of thinking.  When there is evidence, you should believe, and it is important to try and gain evidence.  Nevertheless, when there is no evidence to go on, and it has a big impact in the person’s life, they should have the option to belief, thus making society better as a whole.

 

                                                                                   References

Evidentialism [Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy].” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. N.p., n.d. Web. 7 May 2012..

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. N.p., n.d. Web. 7 May 2012. <http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/pragmatic-belief-god/#WilJamWilBelArg>.

“WILLIAM JAMES, “THE WILL TO BELIEVE” .” Computer Club. N.p., n.d. Web. 7 May 2012. <http://alien.dowling.edu/~cperring/williamjames.html>.

writing again, ha

So, I’m gonna try writing again.

Like it’s gonna work. :eyeroll: but I’ll give it an honest shot.

Why? I have no freaking clue. Maybe I just want to laugh at myself in the future.

Yes, that is it.

Anyways, I shall give you a VERY brief background:

Went to college, had a serious boyfriend (from the internet who flew out to meet me and I got my first kiss), was 2nd fastest on my xc team, got good grades – 2 months

had 2 meltdowns, didn’t clean up my messes enough, evil roommates, insomina, stress- 2 months

got ripped out of college, my boyfriend who said he would love me forever broke-up with me(of 4 months), didn’t run for 13 days because of an injury  -2 weeks

Now I am: applying for jobs (got turned down from kmart already) , seeing doctors and therapists, using my internet friends to try and recover from depression, am addicted to the internet, have depression, and am working out at the gym more often. – 1 week

I think that is a good update on my life.

I’ll go into another post to explain today and a little bit of yesterday (yes, I am that ocd, and no, I don’t care).

Good day sir!

(Formally known as the end, but we all know I can’t be normal…then I wouldn’t be me)

My run

Today’s run was pretty chill…I have to admit.

It started out with me wanting to know where Burger King was.

I knew it was along a highway of some sorts….so I just followed my gut instinct.

To get to that highway, I had to travel ti the top of the school.

Not that I hadn’t before; I just wasn’t expecting a crowd of people to come out.

Apparently today was the General Relief Society Broadcast.

Hmm, would have been go to go to.

Blaming my roommates seemed to work and I awkwardly ran in my direction explaining my annoyance with my new enemies to myself, out-loud.

Once I got past there and near the streets of Rexburg: I realized my need to pee.

Darting along the street and opening a door to a random laundry room seemed to work: because I found a bathroom and went back on my way.

At first it was a familiar path, for I had endeavored that way previously.

However, last time, I didn’t have my phone and it was almost midnight.

I had my phone this time.

As well as a light and a starting time of around 7 or 8 pm.

Darkness arrived anyways and I just kept jogging along.

There was another runner, so I decide to stick with them for as long as they were going my direction.

Turns out, they were actually younger than I was and went to my university.

That was quite a surprise.

Soon I passed by the previous turning point and knew I was all-in.

We went past two stoplights. (Stoplights out here are about 1/2 a mile away instead of being a block away like in cities)

Then he said he head to go a different direction, so I bid farewell.

At least it was someone to run with for a short time.

There was a giant storehouse with a field and a fence beside it.

Something about fields and fences signal that there is animals there and animals might eat me.

Or at least, that’s what my “rational” mind would say when it’s pitch black and I am running alone alongside a highway.

Yet, I pressed myself (against my will) to continue on.

When I started to see less and less cars and lights, my mind clicked: I was lost.

My solution?

Well, I had always wanted to hitchhike, and I *was* at a fork in the road.

20 or 30 cars passed by, I think about 1/2 of them saw me.

I asked the car and the people said I was headed along Yellowstone Highway.

Since that wasn’t my goal today; I wasn’t planning to do an ultramarathon; I tried to run along the adjacent highway.

That plan went awry when:  randomly shined the light into some strangers car and freaked them out;  saw that there was a landscaping warehouse and a bunch of chicken feathers in the parking lot; and sprinted out from the sound of  a barking dog.

Fully planning on turning around and just going home, I achieved my goal.

Placed beneath the Chevron logo, shining with a fluorescent glow, and standing amongst the sky like a beacon of hope.

Too bad I forgot my wallet.

I went anyways so I could use the bathroom.

Turns out I was only 2.5 miles from the school; Nevertheless, they were wrong about the original direction I went.

My runner’s sense said it was 3/3.5 miles.

They were talking about the direction I was soon to go on a whim.

Ah, yes: the turn-off towards the temple.

At first, there were cars and I was fine.

I could see the temple, I must be going in the correct direction.

That thought left my mine when I was among fields and more fields.

The scary thing was the fences.

Imagine wanting to run on the road rather than the sidewalk.

Now come run in my shoes.

The worst part was when there was two run-down houses.

I saw one had it’s lights on, so I ventured over there just to find out if I had gone the correct direction.

Turns out: I was right.

Still didn’t change the fact of how scary the lat part was.

Ebony sky dotted with mini-stars…cloaking my point of view, long road winding up a foreboding hill, not a soul to be seen aside from the rare car that passed by, a void of noise except for the  whispering wind cautioning me as I passed the forever fields, and a faint glow along the horizon.

It truly felt like I was at the edge of the world.

Each step dragged on as I went against every instinct in my human and animalistic self to push forwards.

Somehow I survived.

Maybe it was the fact that the temple was always (if only a millimeter at some times) in my sight, or maybe it was just a hope that I wasn’t going to give up before I reached some type of high point.

Adventure was still out to get me in terms: as I had a spaz attack from seeing  an object that looked like a snake.

That which consisted of me yelling “Holy Frig” and then sprinting away.

Alas: the top of the hill.

After almost 2 hours of running (or should I say 1.5 hours running and .5 hours trying to get my bearings).

I sprinted into my apartment exactly after the 2 hour mark and I started to recollect.

That was a pretty good run.

No.

That was a pretty good adventure.

My summer

My summer.
I was lazy this summer, and I didn’t keep a blog.

However, I was out on the road, I had my computer, and I thought…why not…I’ll recollect this summer to the best of my ability as I set off to college.

Mostly an anti-boredom, preventative measure  although.

Anyways, I’ll start before summer had definitively started, because the main focus was my marathon at the time.

School was finishing up, and most my friends were focusing on prom, parties, and preparing for school…but my aim was to do the very best I could on this endeavor.  If that meant running a 20-miler on prom night despite weird stares from kids in my school, then so be it.

Time crept up and clawed me like a cat when I realized it was graduation night and I was going out into the big bad world.

Graduation parties and friends made that thought momentarily vanish as we celebrated the many years of hard work.

Speaking of hard work, I was running like a maniac…until it was taper time.

Ah, yes, the dreaded taper that every runner sweats over, that every runner fears, that every runner hates.

Not to be excluded, the taper was driving me mad. Running not as far or not  as fast as I had previously had meant a mental, physiological, emotional, and physical effect on me: insane in the brain, some weight gain, and lots of pain.

2 weeks of mind-numbing boredom passed soon enough, and the time to run arrived.

Our family packed and drove up to Utah  (and I got the whole back seat to myself…that’s the most important piece of information).

The hotel room we booked at the last moment was a steal! (putting aside the fact that I had to share a bed with my mom the first and last night because my sister’s were there).  It had a stove, microwave, full-size fridge and freezer combo, three flat-screen tv’s, wood table, and 2 showers.

The waiting period passed by  as quickly as it could for a greenie marathoner…and I spent my time enjoying the scenery and exploring the area.

That’s not to say there wasn’t struggles…I obsessed over different elements like hydration and elevation  and I couldn’t sleep for 2 nights afore.  Frustrated as I was, I decided not to let it impede this goal that I held in my heart ever since I started running as a little ninth-grader in junior high.
That morning I woke up at 3 am to go onto the busses and  went on a very special journey called my first marathon.

If this were a post about it, I would detail every last pinpoint about my run, but I will spare the specifics. All in all, I started out fine and around mile 11, I realized I was doomed. Cramps seized my quads and hamstrings and it was all I could do to just jog along until the end. I received a time of 4:21 and 3^rd in my age division (out of the three girls who ran 18 and under).

We slept the night and woke-up the next morning for the car ride home. I could barely move…every muscle vowed an oath of significant pain and that is what I endured that day and for 2 more weeks afterwards. So, the marathon was done. When I was talking to my friends, teachers, and other various people during school…that was the only thing I really mentioned. What was I to do with my life now?
I begged my mom to let me go up to school and start a summer term at BYU-Idaho…she said no. On a few occasions, she begged me to get a job….I said no. A stand-off of wills. I think I “won” not really though, and I wish I would have had the guts to try for a job, but I didn’t. Instead of anything mind or body-promoting, I spent my time on the computer.

Addictions are commonplace for me now, really. When I was little and had a huge candy-bank and would eat a ton of candy if I got too focused on it…my mom blamed it on the sugar. After all, I was a skinny child, and it wasn’t doing me too much harm and all kids like candy. When I was a pre-teen and I watched tv incessantly…my dad blamed it on my autism and adhd. After all, they didn’t know what was going on in my brain and  I was seriously depressed, so instead of deal with that mess, they left the problem unaddressed. Yet, with the computer, they both knew I was addicted. Maybe some of it had to do with my obsessive personality, but there was no doubt about it.

My running was the only thing I did outside of the computer for the first month. Nothing else really mattered. All my friends were online, and there was nothing new outside of the internet. Sleep evaded me and I would stay up until midnight on the computer then “go to bed” and sneak back downstairs to be on the computer even more.

Then my dad made a deal with me that if I waited until 5 am (because the computer is evil when it’s dark outside? ) that I could get on it. I did the only natural and logical thing to react: stay awake until 5/6 am every day…fall asleep and wake-up at 1 or 2 pm and stay up all night on the computer with the added time.  It was a full-fledge addiction and everyone in my family knew it as well as me.

Life continued on, I ran every day…though my times slowly became slower….10 minute miles….11 minute miles….12 minutes miles, wait, what?!!!! 12 minutes, I had never in my life gone down to 12 minutes, I think even during the marathon I only had one or two late 11’s. Never  fear, I could still sprint; I felt skinny;  I lifted weights/did core; and I checked out my muscles  continuously.

4^th of July came around and we had a family get together…and something changed in my mind. Suddenly, I wanted to be outside. Bike trips were a once or twice a week occurrence. I stumbled upon a nearby library and found an amazing park to read books at. At 110+ degrees outside, though, it’s kinda hard to work up the motivation to do that every day…especially when I already got my exercise anyways.

On one hand, I was getting outside occasionally for something other than running; on the other hand, I was still addicted to the computer. But, I guess something good came of that addiction because: Sometime in the middle of July (because I am not a specific-date-remembering person) I met someone really cool. See, I had just made a separate fb account of all of my aspie friends and I talked to them way more frequently than my  friends from school, church, and other various aspects of my real life. Since they talked to me more, they knew more about me. One guy  and I talked, and we found out that we lived approximately10 milesaway. But, something inside of me…a pit in my stomach warned me not to. Being inexperienced certainly has it’s drawbacks, like not being able to say no nicely. In my mind, I needed to be a certain person, whichever I was portrayed as at the moment. I hadn’t really grabbed a claim to fame, and niceness seemed the route to go. I wasn’t naturally skilled at speaking nicely. WP seemed like the place to post, and since I had a semi-repertoire there, I assumed I would get some help, especially if I had a catchy title.

A few regulars posted, and by then I had some answers. My policy on threads that I create is to respond to everything that anyone says. This guy named Trigas responded back to my response, which was pretty rare. It made my day, and I decided that if he ever had a thread that I would post on it. A little bit apprehensive though, because: he was a newer member, didn’t have a picture, and sent me a pm. Yet, it was a sweet message, so I decided he had good intentions. Stalking was my forte at the time being so I added him on fb and noticed that he started a thread. I *think* I was the first response and we chatted a lot on there. Turned out, that we had a few things in common. Nonetheless, he was nothing but a good friend to me until I he uploaded a picture of himself for another thread (and to help answer the original question). His eyes were blue. So blue , words can’t even describe the feeling other than I was overwhelmed.     Immediately, I responded to his pm and we started conversing that way.  We’d  spend time responding that way and then we started talking/flirting over the forums. Not thinking, and feeling competitive…I challenged him to a post war. He was at 300-something and I was at 7/8000-something and I semi-unfairly won by getting to 10,000 before he got to 1000, but he was cool about it. Through that post war, we nearly annoyed to death almost every member with our vigorous flirting and competitive strategies. By then, we had moved most of our interactions to facebook and had fun flirting for many hours and sending each other videos and pictures.

Meanwhile, I was still addicted to the computer, and college was fast approaching. Excited? Yes…prepared…not in the least.  I knew I was in farther than knee-deep and I knew I was avoiding my responsibilities…but the online world was so fun, so accepting, so carefree. That’s not to say that I didn’t eventually get ready, but I was cer That brings us to the last few days, I started to fade off of WP to minimize my addiction and  started packing for college. It was a  troublesome experience getting ready for college and the last day at home was the most trying. But I’m not dying and through all this I wasn’t lying.

This was my summer, trite and simple as it appears…it revealed some of my deepest joys (someone who understands me) and my deepest fears (not being able to run). I own up to it, and I just hope that I can do well at college now because I’ve been waiting my entire summer for it to start already.

Graduation night

I was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I was, my graduation night.

To give you an idea of the day afore: I woke up @ 6:45 to get to graduation practice at 7. After being in the sun for a few hours I came home and slept until noon. I searched for my phone/played with my cousin until 5, and I cross-trained on the bike until 6.

I was dressed up, and ready to go.

My mom drove me there after arguing about me biking there.

I went to my room, and nobody was there.

So I wandered the hallways until our teacher arrived.

Again, we had an hour of waiting.

Luckily I got a big comfy chair to wait it.

I mean, if there is nobody in the good chair, why let it go to waste?

That was nice, but I was still bored.

I brought a pen and paper, but they said I couldn’t take it with me onto the field; so, I wrote a note to future generations about graduating.

After that, we lined up, and blah , blah, blah.

The good thing was, I got my pen. =)

Ha.

We got a program, so I just drew/took notes on that.

We walked out, and it all felt so unreal.

I searched for friends and teachers, and called out their name to say Hi.

We got onto the field, there were so many people there.

It was insane.

Then we heard a few speeches (Oh, and this mormon girl said Heck, but actually the swearword.)

Haha, I bet they didn’t see that one coming.

We stood up and sat down a few times, and then they started handing out the diplomas.

In practice, it literally took forever and I thought my head was going to explode.

Yet, they did finnnnnally get to our row.

I saw a few of my teachers: Mr. Hansen, Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Nguyen, and one other (oh, and also my super duper patient counselor).

Then we walked up there.

I was worried that I would mess it up and trip or something.

No falls, but there was one problem: I had to say my name into a microphone afterwards and almost walked past that part.

Hopefully nobody saw that, haha, uh.

My footsteps were strides as glazed I back to my seat and i was  new person.

Suddenly the world felt a little bit more empty, and a little bit bigger.

However, I felt taller and stronger.

The baby bird was leaving the nest.

Then someone told me I had to switch my tassel over to the left side, and it just felt so strange.

People I knew formerly were currently strangers, and places that I felt at home were just another location.

No, I didn’t want to grow up (and that sounds weird, I am writing this the day after, and I didn’t grow up over night, haha).

After the ceremony, I went to find my family.

I had to just stand awkwardly and wait, and wait, and did I mention wait.

I searched for my friends, and I couldn’t find them.

Gave up, and searched for my family.

They found me, dang it!

Just kidding.

We took photos, and I even got a photo with Katie.

My mom stayed with me to look for Mariana and Madison, but I couldn’t find them.

This is where the horror story begins.

I, well I have been across a certain crosswalk about a million times.

My mom, on the other hand, hasn’t.

So when a large group of people wanted to cross without a light, my mom said no.

Lame.

It’s not like I don’t have integrity, but everyone else was going across, and I did know the roads pretty good.

I relented.

When my mom continued to walk extremely slowly, I just ran all the way home.

Screaming: “I’m graduated!”

My extended family gave me some grief about leaving my mom in the dust.

Then it really happened.

The bowling party had already started, and I wasn’t there.

In my mind, the entire school was there and was going to be gone by the time I left.

Naturally , I blamed my mom because she wanted me to have plans.

Plans, schmans.

Not to her, I wasn’t going unless I had a detailed report.

Lameo.

So, after feeling insanely depressed about life, getting hurt because I kicked Kaitlyn for almost jinxing Grandma B, getting ready, a few fights to the death with my mom, getting 5 dollars and a lecture from my dad, and checking up on grandma….we made it to the bowling party.

It wasn’t too hard to find my friends, and it seemed like the whole school was there.

Level 1: complete.

Now it was time to have fun and not be socially awkward.

Who are we kidding?

Nobody, I did it…sorta.

[Warning: the following opinion/experience my be a bit mean. I feel that it is warranted, but if you don't, then don't read it]

Nolan was there.

He drives me crazy.

Like, I don’t like him, but I used to like him.

He is the bad boy, but he’s already broken my heart before.

See, I m a bit melodramatic about things in life.

Maybe its because I don’t have a real life, but I have emotions and stuff.

And stuff!!!

Anyways, when I was younger, I used to have the biggest crush in the world on him (other than Brandon, he was my biggest crush).

However, he would ignore me anytime I tried to speak to him.

I don’t even try now, because we wouldn’t be friends and I don’t like him anymore, so why try?

I am not saying that I am going to go out of my way to be mean to him, it just means that I am not going to go out of my way to be nice to him.

Nowadays, I am awkward when I am around him, he almost makes me feel uncomfortable.

At the graduation dinner, he caused me to hide behind a wall for a few minutes to regain my composure (because he didn’t say Hi when I said hi and I felt awkward, and then a few others followed his suit. The first person I talked to there was a leader, and i maybe talked to one other kid that night.)

When I saw him there as I went in the bowling alley (oh, and get this picture in mind: I looked amazing. My hair was blown dry and straightened. I was wearing my dark skinny jeans and my blue and neon splash shirt. I felt skinny and hot. I would have to rate it a 6.7 on the outfits and 8 about how I felt in it. ), I kind of saw him and looked away.

It was THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

See, there’s that melodramatic thing.

Luckily, Chelsea, one of my ASL buddies, helped me find my friends, whew.

Then, he did the unthinkable, he came over to our area and bowled/stood around us.

Maybe it was just me, but he either did that for the prize drawings or to annoy me.

Or maybe he thought I looked good, wow, did I just say that, I did.

I’m confident.

So yeah, I looked good.

That probably wasn’t the reason, but I’m thinking that he had at least SOME idea of how awkward he made me feel.

Yet, I waited out the storm.

He was NOT going to make me feel awkward tonight.

I was graduated, grown up, and going strong.

Nope.

Not feeling awkward.

He ended up sort of gravitating towards our group and the game playing area.

Oh, and I beat Mariana at air hockey….then Sarah killed me at it it =/

We played 2 games of bowling: the first I came in third, the second I came in second. Hmmmm. If only we could have played a third.

We ended up leaving at 2 or 3-ish in the morning, and driving to the party at Mason’s.

I was expecting this to be a big party, so when we were the only ones there, I was surprised.

Pleasantly.

Ok, that just sounds creepy, I was happy there wasn’t a lot of people there so I didn’t have social overload.

There, less creepy.

We watched Megamind on the couch and I almost lost the phone.

My life was staked on that phone, pretty much, so I went outside, alone, in the dark of the night, barefoot, with dogs, to get the phone.

Whew, it was there.

I raced back to eat starbursts and watch the rest of the movie.

Wow, starbursts is a word.

Coolio.

Randomness, there is a thing on the side that says that this post is super-awesome, and it is indeed.

Hahaha.

Evil laugh.

Back to the party.

I was the only one who effectively, and energetically stayed up the entire night and day. (until I came home)

We played apples to apples and I got: obnoxious, virtuous, rough, and something else.

Then me and 4 others went on the trampoline and bounced.

I think I was scared for my life there.

Into the air, I freaking flew so high.

Granted, I was the 2nd largest person there (aside from the dude with the tiny girlfriend).

Yet, I was recognized as small, I guess.

He said that he probably weighed more then all of us combined.

Yay!

I am recognized as skinny.

Thank you, thank you very much.

I am so honored for this award.

Jk, but you know what I mean.

Marathon training payed off.

We all raced back in.

Me and the foreign guy:Andres  were a little bit slow to get on our shoes.

And a little bit slow in the head (no offense, I am counting myself in this category too).

It was time to go in, because everyone else was.

When I finally got my shoes on, I skipped along.

There was the first door and the door after the path.

I swear, I almost went into the 1st door, I was that brain-dead.

But I followed my gut, trusting it completely, and I made it safely home.

Andres wasn’t so lucky.

On one hand: I am SO happy that it wasn’t me, on the other: I am sorry that somebody else almost made the mistake that I did.

We all went back inside to the basement.

I said that I was running a marathon and the foreign guy asked if he could come.

It was weird.

Awkward silence.

Oh, and apparently mariana said something, and it sounded like “lalalalalalala….Story.”

I am stealing that, muahaha.

I felt bad, but I told the mom to make some pancake mix without eggs.

Sorry, but I wanted something to eat.

It took some time, but I got some without eggs, I think.

It was kind of chewy like it had eggs in it.

Idk, it was weird.

But, it wasn’t like it had meat in it.

So, I went against my instincts, and trusted the parents.

Hopefully it didn’t have eggs in it.

We talked for a while, and it was time to go home.

Sarah drove us home at 6:45.

It was nice.

Ok, creeper status there, haaha.

I found out that that was the mexican that asked Haley to prom.

Small world.

We said goodbye, and I entered into my home.

It was over.

But that night was one of the most fun times I ever had.

Sure, there were obstacles.

There were obstacles that stood in my way and threatened to ruin my night, and I almost let them.

The greater good prevailed!

As I heard in the movie that night: “When there is evil, good will always rise up against it.”

That’s what happened.

I had a good time, and I’m glad that I got to spend the first day of summer with my friends.

I still have around 20 words left.

When I came home, I slept, and ate food , wohooo!

Doesn’t that sound like so much fun? 2000 words.

20 miles….done and done

I dd it!

20 miles yesterday!

After having a near heart attack from lead legs (tried to run to early, my body wouldn’t let me run @ 7 pm, had to wait until 8:15), and calling Sister Jones and Uncle Jason for advice, I got my run off.

Actually, I started pretty good, I was on a 10 minute pace, (1 time being in the 9′s) when I started.

The rest of the run was around 10:30….aside from the last 6 or 7 laps, those were in the 11′s.

Stupid me, I finished with a REAL last mile time of 6:34….but it could’ve been worse.

I pretty much died through the entire run.

I saw 2 groups of people for prom, and a lot of people around the neighborhood.

Nevertheless, I survived the humiliation, and finished around midnight.

Now I am working on staying awake.

Surprise! I have homework. (Hahah, I accidentally typed homo work @ first, lol).

Yea.

Math, ASL, English, and I haven’t made mom anything for mothers day.

I fail @ life.

I know, I usually don’t have homework.

But I do today.

So I should probably start working on it.

Should I?

Hmmmmm, naaaaaaa, I need to write about this first

After that I will.

The run was crazy.

I actually used internal disassociation for my run.

I think that it isn’t the techniques that you use, but the pace that you set.

I remember one of the things I used to distract myself was a rhyme about running.

Since I had talked to Uncle Jason, he made me feel really bad about my running and nutrition, and sleeping habits.

I felt awful.

So, instead of lounging around a  pace and feeling bad about myself, here is the initial rhyme:

She’s a mess, She’s a mess, As a runner, She’s a mess. I really must confess, that she really is a mess.

Then I would make up rhymes about particular instances about this (in eating, sleeping, and training).

Oh!

I thought about something else.

So shall it be written, so shall it be done. So shall it be said, so shall it be run.

Yeah, you are jealous.

I know, it is a pretty cool rhyme.

Too bad.

Sister jones said she was going to run with me, she never did.

Well she said that she might.

Coolio.

Oh, and I think I just figured something out.

There was a girl who talked to me (a beehive who was riding he bike last night) and I think she lives in our neighborhood.

Scratch that, she does (wow, I’m out of it).

Well, they said her last name today, and it was the last name of my sunday school nemesis.

Yeah, wow that took me a long tome to figure out.

WOWOWOW.

I’m smart.

ANYWAAAAAYs.

I just thought I’d say that.

I ran 20 miles.

It was pretty cool.

I DIED afterwards, it was seriously painful.

You know the reaction that my family (specifically my dad [ apparently dad isn’t the word spell check wants, it us a dyad, weird[)You want to know what he said?!!!

He said to shutup.

I mean, even 2-5 minutes would have been enough time.

But no, he starts coming to me after I was heaving and hoeing in pain, and tells me to shutup.

I was freakin pissed!

Who is he to tell me RIGHT after I finish to be quiet.

I  want him to run 20 miles, and then I’ll tell him “be quiet, you are gonna wake up the neighbors”

Lame.

So I stormed off, and the most awesome thing happened.

He said that the garage wouldn’t work…..and it did.

Precisely after he said it wouldn’t work.

That was one of the most legit things of my life.

Life rocks. =)

But the run itself went by pretty fast.

The parts that I remember the most were laps: 4, 7, 8, 11, 15, 19, 21.

It doesn’t even feel that long, now that I think about it.

I am READY to run the marathon now!!!!!!

Yeah, yeah!

And you know what, I don’t feel the slightest pang of guilt or regret for not going to prom.

I shouldn’t feel guilty, there wasn’t any guys smart enough to ask me, so their loss.

(actually, their monetary gain, and their experience lost)

I am going to get more times to dress up, hopefully.

If I don’t, I will not die.

There are people starving in Africa.

For reals though, I am complaining about having the worst social life when someone could be raping me, or forcing me into marriage (even though that’s what I am scared what will happen when I go to college), or making me work at a factory or something.

That is sad.

Still, it sucks to have AS, because it is known as the extreme male mind.

Lovely, I have a male mind.

Then they say @ church that gender is a character quality (for mothers day) and how am I not supposed to be confused?

Here I am, growing up in the Mesa bubble, looking like the pathetic loser that I am, and then being told that I am a daughter of God.

Don’t get me wrong:

I KNOW THAT HEAVENLY FATHER LOVES ME.

Without a doubt, I have a testimony of this because he has taken care of me my entire life, he has protected me in situations that should’ve gone awry, he has borne witness through the spirit, he has shone his power through his creations, and he has displayed his love through other people.

Still, I just am scared of the whole mom thing.

Cooking, cleaning, taking care of people.

I am selfish over food, I am lazy with my room, and I’m afraid of sick people.

Then I have a reason to be confused: AS.

It is so annoying, but idk if I should ask the bishop about it.

That’s another thing, they always tell you to talk to your bishop, but it is harder than you think to just go and talk to him:

*Because he always says “Do you want to talk to me about something?” in a voice like he already knows, he knows what I’ve done wrong and right, ho knows what trials I am going through. But does he? Idk

*Because it is hard to set up an appointment, hey, so bishop, i need to talk to you (as there are people walking by), “What do you want to talk to me about?” (I don’t what other to hear) so I try to talk in a whisper, and it just feels awkward to the extreme

*Because you think he’ll look at you differently. I am not stupid. Things happen, people do stuff, and they are viewed differently. Just the thought of sitting in the same room wool be unnerving.

*Because he could hurt my life and opportunities in it. For instance, if i could go to college or not, especially the one that I want to go to

That is why it is so hard to talk to the bishop.

I probably need to, @ the same time, I think I got rid of that thing.

UGH! This is so annoying.

Wait, why am I talking about talking to the bishop?

I need to backtrack, this was supposed to be about my 20-miler yesterday.

Well, I went in the pool (around 1 in the morning) and iced for 10 minutes.

Then I crashed.

It sucks, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, but if my mom gets her way, I will.

And lame was his name-o.

(Ha, I win, computer).

Oh, and guess what is the weirdest thing I found out today.

You know how my math teacher calls me sally sometimes when he is a teensy bit annoyed, and you know how that one post about so and so who is the most hilarious person in the world and I am friends with him on fb, and I stalk his blog….he had that one post about the stalker girl…name changed to sally.

I accept the title of the weirdest person.

That just made me laugh this morning.

HA. HA. HA. HA.

Ok, I’m done now.

I ditched sunday school, and I sat on the stage for sacrament meeting.

Yea, I’m like more antisocial now, but I attribute this to not being asked to prom.

I really need to go now and do my homework, but it has been really fun talking to myself about random things in my (me sounds better) in me online journal.

Everyone was amazed that I ran 20 miles @ church today, and I jam happy, but seriously dead. (I reaaaaaally wish I could miss school tomorrow, it would pretty much make my life…..but that probably won’t happen.)

So, gonna go now. Bye!

Oh wait, psyche!

I wanted to get to 1500 words, that was 1450….NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Did you know that Madonna wasn’t asked to prom, she just stayed @ home alone that night.

I don’t feel like the biggest loser anymore!

Horray, this is something to celebrate.

Anyways, (I avoided that well). Bye!

20 miler today and I was bored

I really should have taken the time to reply to one of my good friends on WP, but that would have taken too long.

Anyways, it was just  push to write this, but it is such a momentous occasion, it needed documentation.

I am running 20 miles today.

I know, there are 100′s of blogs that talk about this, but I think every runner is unique in their approach to the 20- mile run.

This is mine:

I want a 10 minute pace.

Crazy?

Maybe just a little, but that will not hold me back from trying.

Today is the day that I am supposed to hit the wall.

But I am not going to

(Well, physically, I already hit the wall mentally on my 18 miler last week, I was a little out of it)

So, I run @ 7 pm, that is pretty early for me.

Nevertheless, it is doable.

Yesterday I read about association and disassociation, internal and external.

I am going to try all 4 techniques.

But most of all: I am going to psyche myself up and sprint on the last few miles.

I did that last time.

Without even reading it.

I was born to run this.

Still, I am scared, just because it is such a big run.

That isn’t going to scare me though.

It’s only 2 miles longer.

Psh, I can run that in my sleep.

I am so ready, and I am sitting @ T minus 1 hour 11 minutes and 40 seconds.

My family is over here.

They probably think I am stupid for staying home instead of going to my cousins performance.

I am not.

I needed that time to myself to recharge and prepare.

It was important.

Also, when I go back to school on Monday (I meant if, not when)…..

the other kids will think I am weird for not going to prom.

And maybe I should have put some effort into finding a group to go with.

I thought about it though.

Unless a guy asked me, I didn’t want to sacrifice for it.

Spend a bunch of money to hang out with friends (not a date) and miss an important training run, or miss prom and run an amazing run.

I chose the latter.

I know, but whatever.

I felt bad that a guy didn’t ask me, but now I can see that I have the opportunity to do my run as planned and continue on schedule (no matter how painfully it is for me socially).

Back to topic.

20 miles.

Woah.

Crazy.

But it’s happening.

It’s happening in style.

It is happening today and in 2 weeks. (actually, maybe 22 in 2, haven;t decided)

I am not going to hit the wall today.

I have fruit roll-ups, lays potato chips, and 4 waterbottles.

Can you say….prepared.

Speaking of being prepared, I gotta go, I am @ T minus 1 hour 5 minutes and 45 seconds.

Gotta set everything out on the course by means of a bike.

Hope my parents don’t bug me to start now.

I am ready to go when I have planned for.

BYE!

WISH ME LUCK!

(Hint, hint: good luck

What is my image

Ok, so I am reading this book called “how to make anyone fall in love with you”, no I didn’t pay for it (it was free from a google search), but it is actually worth some time and some money (if they would have protected it better).

Not only does it make accurate analysis of situations and how to handle them in a way that would make someone love you, but it also makes you think about humans and yourself really deeply.

As I was reading a chapter about fostering your “quarry’s” (goal person) self-image through compliments, I started wondering about my own.

I have MANY labels: Artist, Mormon, runner, smart student, vegetarian, internet-addicte (haha, that would be really creative if they could make a compliment for that, or the inverse), girl, sister, daughter, etc, etc.

But I wonder, which one would make me fall in love a person. When I was younger, I used to get a lot of compliments because I would go above and beyond. Now that only happens sometimes because a lot of people my age already have relationships (doh! should have been more perceptive).

For reals though, I want to figure out what is my main identity, because I don’t think i have one. Maybe I haven’t fallen in love (0r even had a boyfriend) is because I can’t figure out my own.

Each of them are almost codependent, like being vegetarian makes me more likely to be a runner, being a good student helps me in my church, being an artist helps me be a good student (and also makes it harder), but to be vegetarian is to be an artist with your diet.

See how if I lose one, I lose the other?

Yet, that is not the issue at hand, I want to know which one I like? Of course I am an egotistical female who enjoys all sorts of compliments, but what would make me fall for a guy. (Hey, I gotta figure it out in me before I try to in a guy)

I am legitimately asking myself this question.

As a runner, I get complimented on the distances I run, the speed I run, and my commitment (and sometimes how in shape I am I.E. my legs are really muscly or something)

As an artist, obviously that my art is pretty or that I am creative, or how long I spent on something.

As a vegetarian, how hard that would be, and how committed I am.

As a student, how smart I am.

My thing is, since I have heard these before, even though they were way in the past, I am used to them.

Is that bad or something, I just don’t think they are creative.

they are definitely nice, but not my self-image that I want to support, because I feel like i already have a rapport.

I am going to ponder it out and publish later my ideas.

This is really troubling me.

Yo, I don’t really have that much to say

So, if i am correct, I don;t have that much to say.

Hold up, (i changed it from wait a minute…yay!) did I say IF I WAS CORRECT, ON MY BLOG.

Even I think I can be wrong apparently.

Haha, I kinda just feel like typing (Even though it hurts on this computer).

I am listening to my brother’s recording from his mission.

Interesting.

Really.

Makes me want to go on a mission.

Psyche.

I will NEVER be able to spell that word…ever.

It is sad.

I am going to be emo about spelling now.

If you can’t see. (then you probably aren’t reading this blog right now, SEEing as you wouldn’t have the use of your eyes)

No, I like being random, and whatever,

It is fun.

This is gonna haunt me in 20 years.

21.

2001.

1002.

2031.

Yes.

See, now I am bored.

Ok, I want to stop.

For reals.

Bye…for now.