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I dd it!

20 miles yesterday!

After having a near heart attack from lead legs (tried to run to early, my body wouldn’t let me run @ 7 pm, had to wait until 8:15), and calling Sister Jones and Uncle Jason for advice, I got my run off.

Actually, I started pretty good, I was on a 10 minute pace, (1 time being in the 9’s) when I started.

The rest of the run was around 10:30….aside from the last 6 or 7 laps, those were in the 11’s.

Stupid me, I finished with a REAL last mile time of 6:34….but it could’ve been worse.

I pretty much died through the entire run.

I saw 2 groups of people for prom, and a lot of people around the neighborhood.

Nevertheless, I survived the humiliation, and finished around midnight.

Now I am working on staying awake.

Surprise! I have homework. (Hahah, I accidentally typed homo work @ first, lol).

Yea.

Math, ASL, English, and I haven’t made mom anything for mothers day.

I fail @ life.

I know, I usually don’t have homework.

But I do today.

So I should probably start working on it.

Should I?

Hmmmmm, naaaaaaa, I need to write about this first 😉

After that I will.

The run was crazy.

I actually used internal disassociation for my run.

I think that it isn’t the techniques that you use, but the pace that you set.

I remember one of the things I used to distract myself was a rhyme about running.

Since I had talked to Uncle Jason, he made me feel really bad about my running and nutrition, and sleeping habits.

I felt awful.

So, instead of lounging around a  pace and feeling bad about myself, here is the initial rhyme:

She’s a mess, She’s a mess, As a runner, She’s a mess. I really must confess, that she really is a mess.

Then I would make up rhymes about particular instances about this (in eating, sleeping, and training).

Oh!

I thought about something else.

So shall it be written, so shall it be done. So shall it be said, so shall it be run.

Yeah, you are jealous.

I know, it is a pretty cool rhyme.

Too bad.

Sister jones said she was going to run with me, she never did.

Well she said that she might.

Coolio.

Oh, and I think I just figured something out.

There was a girl who talked to me (a beehive who was riding he bike last night) and I think she lives in our neighborhood.

Scratch that, she does (wow, I’m out of it).

Well, they said her last name today, and it was the last name of my sunday school nemesis.

Yeah, wow that took me a long tome to figure out.

WOWOWOW.

I’m smart.

😉

ANYWAAAAAYs.

I just thought I’d say that.

I ran 20 miles.

It was pretty cool.

I DIED afterwards, it was seriously painful.

You know the reaction that my family (specifically my dad [ apparently dad isn’t the word spell check wants, it us a dyad, weird[)You want to know what he said?!!!

He said to shutup.

I mean, even 2-5 minutes would have been enough time.

But no, he starts coming to me after I was heaving and hoeing in pain, and tells me to shutup.

I was freakin pissed!

Who is he to tell me RIGHT after I finish to be quiet.

I  want him to run 20 miles, and then I’ll tell him “be quiet, you are gonna wake up the neighbors”

Lame.

So I stormed off, and the most awesome thing happened.

He said that the garage wouldn’t work…..and it did.

Precisely after he said it wouldn’t work.

That was one of the most legit things of my life.

Life rocks. =)

But the run itself went by pretty fast.

The parts that I remember the most were laps: 4, 7, 8, 11, 15, 19, 21.

It doesn’t even feel that long, now that I think about it.

I am READY to run the marathon now!!!!!!

Yeah, yeah!

And you know what, I don’t feel the slightest pang of guilt or regret for not going to prom.

I shouldn’t feel guilty, there wasn’t any guys smart enough to ask me, so their loss.

(actually, their monetary gain, and their experience lost)

I am going to get more times to dress up, hopefully.

If I don’t, I will not die.

There are people starving in Africa.

For reals though, I am complaining about having the worst social life when someone could be raping me, or forcing me into marriage (even though that’s what I am scared what will happen when I go to college), or making me work at a factory or something.

That is sad.

Still, it sucks to have AS, because it is known as the extreme male mind.

Lovely, I have a male mind.

Then they say @ church that gender is a character quality (for mothers day) and how am I not supposed to be confused?

Here I am, growing up in the Mesa bubble, looking like the pathetic loser that I am, and then being told that I am a daughter of God.

Don’t get me wrong:

I KNOW THAT HEAVENLY FATHER LOVES ME.

Without a doubt, I have a testimony of this because he has taken care of me my entire life, he has protected me in situations that should’ve gone awry, he has borne witness through the spirit, he has shone his power through his creations, and he has displayed his love through other people.

Still, I just am scared of the whole mom thing.

Cooking, cleaning, taking care of people.

I am selfish over food, I am lazy with my room, and I’m afraid of sick people.

Then I have a reason to be confused: AS.

It is so annoying, but idk if I should ask the bishop about it.

That’s another thing, they always tell you to talk to your bishop, but it is harder than you think to just go and talk to him:

*Because he always says “Do you want to talk to me about something?” in a voice like he already knows, he knows what I’ve done wrong and right, ho knows what trials I am going through. But does he? Idk

*Because it is hard to set up an appointment, hey, so bishop, i need to talk to you (as there are people walking by), “What do you want to talk to me about?” (I don’t what other to hear) so I try to talk in a whisper, and it just feels awkward to the extreme

*Because you think he’ll look at you differently. I am not stupid. Things happen, people do stuff, and they are viewed differently. Just the thought of sitting in the same room wool be unnerving.

*Because he could hurt my life and opportunities in it. For instance, if i could go to college or not, especially the one that I want to go to

That is why it is so hard to talk to the bishop.

I probably need to, @ the same time, I think I got rid of that thing.

UGH! This is so annoying.

Wait, why am I talking about talking to the bishop?

I need to backtrack, this was supposed to be about my 20-miler yesterday.

Well, I went in the pool (around 1 in the morning) and iced for 10 minutes.

Then I crashed.

It sucks, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, but if my mom gets her way, I will.

And lame was his name-o.

(Ha, I win, computer).

Oh, and guess what is the weirdest thing I found out today.

You know how my math teacher calls me sally sometimes when he is a teensy bit annoyed, and you know how that one post about so and so who is the most hilarious person in the world and I am friends with him on fb, and I stalk his blog….he had that one post about the stalker girl…name changed to sally.

I accept the title of the weirdest person.

That just made me laugh this morning.

HA. HA. HA. HA.

Ok, I’m done now.

I ditched sunday school, and I sat on the stage for sacrament meeting.

Yea, I’m like more antisocial now, but I attribute this to not being asked to prom.

I really need to go now and do my homework, but it has been really fun talking to myself about random things in my (me sounds better) in me online journal.

Everyone was amazed that I ran 20 miles @ church today, and I jam happy, but seriously dead. (I reaaaaaally wish I could miss school tomorrow, it would pretty much make my life…..but that probably won’t happen.)

So, gonna go now. Bye!

Oh wait, psyche!

I wanted to get to 1500 words, that was 1450….NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Did you know that Madonna wasn’t asked to prom, she just stayed @ home alone that night.

I don’t feel like the biggest loser anymore!

Horray, this is something to celebrate.

Anyways, (I avoided that well). Bye!

I really should have taken the time to reply to one of my good friends on WP, but that would have taken too long.

Anyways, it was just  push to write this, but it is such a momentous occasion, it needed documentation.

I am running 20 miles today.

I know, there are 100’s of blogs that talk about this, but I think every runner is unique in their approach to the 20- mile run.

This is mine:

I want a 10 minute pace.

Crazy?

Maybe just a little, but that will not hold me back from trying.

Today is the day that I am supposed to hit the wall.

But I am not going to

(Well, physically, I already hit the wall mentally on my 18 miler last week, I was a little out of it) 😉

So, I run @ 7 pm, that is pretty early for me.

Nevertheless, it is doable.

Yesterday I read about association and disassociation, internal and external.

I am going to try all 4 techniques.

But most of all: I am going to psyche myself up and sprint on the last few miles.

I did that last time.

Without even reading it.

I was born to run this. 😀

Still, I am scared, just because it is such a big run.

That isn’t going to scare me though.

It’s only 2 miles longer.

Psh, I can run that in my sleep.

I am so ready, and I am sitting @ T minus 1 hour 11 minutes and 40 seconds.

My family is over here.

They probably think I am stupid for staying home instead of going to my cousins performance.

I am not.

I needed that time to myself to recharge and prepare.

It was important.

Also, when I go back to school on Monday (I meant if, not when)…..

the other kids will think I am weird for not going to prom.

And maybe I should have put some effort into finding a group to go with.

I thought about it though.

Unless a guy asked me, I didn’t want to sacrifice for it.

Spend a bunch of money to hang out with friends (not a date) and miss an important training run, or miss prom and run an amazing run.

I chose the latter.

I know, but whatever.

I felt bad that a guy didn’t ask me, but now I can see that I have the opportunity to do my run as planned and continue on schedule (no matter how painfully it is for me socially).

Back to topic.

20 miles.

Woah.

Crazy.

But it’s happening.

It’s happening in style.

It is happening today and in 2 weeks. (actually, maybe 22 in 2, haven;t decided)

I am not going to hit the wall today.

I have fruit roll-ups, lays potato chips, and 4 waterbottles.

Can you say….prepared.

Speaking of being prepared, I gotta go, I am @ T minus 1 hour 5 minutes and 45 seconds.

Gotta set everything out on the course by means of a bike.

Hope my parents don’t bug me to start now.

I am ready to go when I have planned for.

BYE!

WISH ME LUCK!

(Hint, hint: good luck 😉

What is my image

Ok, so I am reading this book called “how to make anyone fall in love with you”, no I didn’t pay for it (it was free from a google search), but it is actually worth some time and some money (if they would have protected it better).

Not only does it make accurate analysis of situations and how to handle them in a way that would make someone love you, but it also makes you think about humans and yourself really deeply.

As I was reading a chapter about fostering your “quarry’s” (goal person) self-image through compliments, I started wondering about my own.

I have MANY labels: Artist, Mormon, runner, smart student, vegetarian, internet-addicte (haha, that would be really creative if they could make a compliment for that, or the inverse), girl, sister, daughter, etc, etc.

But I wonder, which one would make me fall in love a person. When I was younger, I used to get a lot of compliments because I would go above and beyond. Now that only happens sometimes because a lot of people my age already have relationships (doh! should have been more perceptive).

For reals though, I want to figure out what is my main identity, because I don’t think i have one. Maybe I haven’t fallen in love (0r even had a boyfriend) is because I can’t figure out my own.

Each of them are almost codependent, like being vegetarian makes me more likely to be a runner, being a good student helps me in my church, being an artist helps me be a good student (and also makes it harder), but to be vegetarian is to be an artist with your diet.

See how if I lose one, I lose the other?

Yet, that is not the issue at hand, I want to know which one I like? Of course I am an egotistical female who enjoys all sorts of compliments, but what would make me fall for a guy. (Hey, I gotta figure it out in me before I try to in a guy)

I am legitimately asking myself this question.

As a runner, I get complimented on the distances I run, the speed I run, and my commitment (and sometimes how in shape I am I.E. my legs are really muscly or something)

As an artist, obviously that my art is pretty or that I am creative, or how long I spent on something.

As a vegetarian, how hard that would be, and how committed I am.

As a student, how smart I am.

My thing is, since I have heard these before, even though they were way in the past, I am used to them.

Is that bad or something, I just don’t think they are creative.

they are definitely nice, but not my self-image that I want to support, because I feel like i already have a rapport.

I am going to ponder it out and publish later my ideas.

This is really troubling me.

So, if i am correct, I don;t have that much to say.

Hold up, (i changed it from wait a minute…yay!) did I say IF I WAS CORRECT, ON MY BLOG.

Even I think I can be wrong apparently.

Haha, I kinda just feel like typing (Even though it hurts on this computer).

I am listening to my brother’s recording from his mission.

Interesting.

Really.

Makes me want to go on a mission.

Psyche.

I will NEVER be able to spell that word…ever.

It is sad.

I am going to be emo about spelling now.

If you can’t see. (then you probably aren’t reading this blog right now, SEEing as you wouldn’t have the use of your eyes)

No, I like being random, and whatever,

It is fun.

This is gonna haunt me in 20 years.

21.

2001.

1002.

2031.

Yes.

See, now I am bored.

Ok, I want to stop.

For reals.

Bye…for now.

Today, again, wow

So, I write weirdly.

Ok, I just had to say that because I just read some of my old posts.

I woke up today and I was in the crappiest moods of my life.

Well yesterday, it sucked, especially math…but today was BETTER (I think because I prayed for help, and I am SO grateful for that).

Seriously though, I was groggy, tired (i stayed u until 2 to postpone tomorrow coming…didn’t work), and in a bad mood.

That meant (in mom language) GET ON MY CASE.

I wanted to skip (it was a late day anyways), but I decided to go just because I was going to talk to my bff about the math situation. (I even wrote it on my hand yesterday to remember).

Being late, though, didn’t matter to me…it DID to my mom (and my dad, after she called him up @ work to tell him).

My teacher, he doesn’t care: you just have to stand in the back of the classroom if you are late x5min, WOW that is the hardest punishment.

Apparently though, my mom thinks I will do that in college if I do it now. I probably won’t, but I am graduating this year, I need to be rebellious a little bit.

After a good 15 or 20 min. of being screamed @, I got off to school, and ate a banana along the way.

The top half broke off, but I vowed to have a medium day already (see previous post) so I was grateful for what was left of it.

I got to class in a bad mood, and someone else pointed that “even she (my name) was late” coolio. I’m the example, and I have worked hard for it in that class. Yesterday, my teacher said that I was the only one who participates, and that is kinda true.

We had notes and whatever, I actually don’t really remember @ 11:36 @ night, wow, my memory.

Seminary was cool, it was semi-spiritual. I shared a experience about my grandpa giving me a blessing while my dad was away. It was pretty cool.

We listened to the Kirtland temple dedication, and I worked SO hard to pay attention. My teacher said that we would need endurance, and I knew it was a challenge (ok, so not in the sense of the word that I take it, but whatever).

ASl was good.

My friend said she would talk to me, and my teacher let me move to the front so I could see the vocab words.

Then she made fun of one of the stuco kids (not meanly, just as a joke but it was kinda funny 😉

My friend told me to just be confident and don’t be shy, and it worked somehow.

I went to my math class (because I always work on my hw during lunch), and I was confident.

I got a piece of paper, and I was pwning people in math, it was legit.

I mean, the guy didn’t sit by me, but I’m kinda happy about that….I didn’t feel awkward anymore.

Then I kinda blew senior ditch day, I know, that’s how stupid I am, but whatever, I am gonna convince my mom one of these days….or fake sick…or something (I’m thinking, missing half days…me like…weird, ahaha, I like it!)

Brit lit went good, I found out that I could eat liquerish. Yea, I just butchered that.

I went home being happy (can’t remember again, for some specific reason).

Home was kinda heck today…sorry, but I am just being blunt.

I wanted something to eat, but Idk what.

I saw spinach and strawberries in the fridge. I thought it would be cool to make this one really yummy, sugary, easy recipe with it…but my mom freaked @ me again.

She said that she wasn’t going to buy specialty food, and implied that I shouldn’t be vegan (which I am not, yet, I still like dairy).

She left to pick up my sisters, and I looked in the fridge.

AH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH.

Potatoes.

10 small ones.

So, I was ravenously hungry (because that is how vegans roll, jk, no, I just was) and started eating. After about 5 I noticed that they tasted a little weird.

I had  A HEART ATTACK, and dialed my mom’s cell # like I was calling the police to inform of a bomb.

Then she got all up in my face about it when I freaked out, gave me a false alert, and told me they were fine.

I ate a bunch, and went to my room to chill because everyone was mad @ me because of this “incident”:

I went out to get the mail, totally normal.

I am very OCD in the fact that I need to pass by people on certain sides and my little sisters know that it drives me crazy.

I mean, I literally feel like I am heavier on one side if I don’t pass on the right side.

She went side to side in front of the door, and then blocked me.

Well if ya wanna play, then I moved her out of the way….to my mom I beat her up, to my sister I was immature, to me I was pushing her out of my way AFTER she knew that I was going in and we were playing.

I took a 2 hour nap, and my stomach was still recoiling from eating a bunch of potatoes.

I went to mutual (I usually don’t normally, because I ran on Monday (my cross-train days), I had to cross-train today, so I thought “what the heck, why not”).

At first my mom was happy that I wanted to go, then she was mad that I didn’t plan and nagged me.

I went and played volleyball.

I can’t play that game/ aside from serving….I can do that.

I made a giant M for MVT in the sand, got really sandy and drove home with one of teh leaders.

I came home and ate 2 more potatoes and a bunch of licorice. (Ha!, right!)

MISTAKE.

Ugh, I felt awful.

I biked for 20:02 min. @ a 7/ 10 level and jump-roped 200 jumps and stair-jumped 100 times.

My dad yelled @ me because I was too noisy.

I did mean to do some core, but tomorrow is a fast day, so I want to stall that.

Oh, and YEA!

Saturday!

I RUN 14 miles.

I mean my teacher who is similarly training for a marathon ran 15 last sat., but he couldn’t run for 5 days because of it (he isn’t following a training plan it’s stupid, but he say’s that I say that just because I am a good runner….whatever, he’s gonna injure himself and I am so beating whatever time he gets) Which reminds me, I need to see what one of the girls from xc got on her marathon, and beat it. We were neck-and-neck in xc, and I want SO badly to beat her because distance is my thing. Gotta find out.

Anyways, I gotta sleep today, and it is almost Midnight….did I say almost…I meant 12:01.

Nighty night.

Wow, weird goodbye.

BYE!

(BTW, I posted this on a different blog since this one was down @ the time).

 

Have you ever noticed a pattern to life? You know, not the whole scheme, but every day? I have. Guess what? It’s not pretty. Or is it? Good, bad, medium, good, bad, medium. It’s as if you could plan what days to wear a smile and what days to growl at every passerby. Anyways, today was a bad day. Yes, I know this post is easily going out to the whole world. Whatever, I am probably only going to post a few times on here because I am seeing a better blog, it is just broken at the moment. I woke up, and I already feel the “late-rush.” It wasn’t a 10, it was probably @ a 6 or 7, still enough to make my stomach unsettled. I got dressed with just enough time to swing into the kitchen to grab a banana fir bkfast. Guess what? You know what….so I can stop talking in a baby voice. Nothin. So, I’m cool, and decide to roll with the punches. Chips are a respectable and fast meal…right. I mean I can only eat potatoes/rice/beans/veges/fruits about now. I am counting out, COUNTING OUT and my mom decides to nag @ me about eating all the chips. It DEFINITELY looks like I am eating so many chips. I shared that opinion with her, it didn’t go over to well. Lame. Then it wasn’t cold. Now, I admit, living in a desert I should expect to burn every day and sing praises and joys when the weather does follow my plans. But it freakin rained yesterday, it was hot today. Unstable? I think the weather should be more responsible….it isn’t going to be able to raise a generation of Americans this was (wow, it….by it I mean my hands @ first typed geberation….guess I’m still on the baby thing..AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!) Ok, I biked to school eating a more sensible pear. Sensible…..I wonder if I am using that word right. A squishy, week-old, bruised, giant, brown pear is sensible like a gorilla making out with a dolphin. That’s right, I just went there, As I desperately attempted to eat the mess, I retreated for a garbage can. The world decided to not put one on my way. I think I might if I remember someday. I only have a quarter left in hs, but it could still be useful. Just an idea. Now picture this, I have my pear in my break hand (because my left hand drives oddly enough…and when I say drives, I mean touches the handlebar magically in way to swerve it in directions that I desire….I have a dirty mind btw, and now you will too if you go back and read that sentence, sorry, I warned you.) THEN a bus swerved in front of me to turn. It wasn’t like there was a walk light…no, buses rule, apparently. After almost crashing into a bus and ending life as I know it, I victoriously found a garbage can. You are jealous of my seeking skills. Yup. One thing good did happen, I made it back for me to cross the other crossing zone before the next light. Yay! I made it to the bike rack, and the black gate was out, so I already knew things were adding up to an ominous presence. But I did get a side spot (I mean it isn’t an insiders spot, but it isn’t an outsider’s either). I walked to class, and I ALWAYS see this guy who liked randomly talking to me in tack last year (like once or twice, but he ALWAYS says hi to me, and usually energetically). Today, it was an ish hi. That meant one of 2 things, I was ugly today(my outfit, hello, that was the girliest thing I have EVER said in my life) or today was a bad day. (I like to think of the latter being the reason) I got to class after rushing, and my teacher was late. Nice way to set an example dude, whatever, We went to class, and I still haven’t printed out the notes (but don’t worry, I wrote the task on my hand I WILL remember now). We moved seats yesterday, but I am including it now, just because it fits the tone of this passage (I just broke out the big-girl words! Crap, baby talk, “HEADBANGER!!! COME MY LOVE” I’m weird, ahahaha) Now I don’t sit by either of my talking buddies, sucks hard. Now it is weird because I sit across from them, but I can never talk, and ….and…..it just hurts (*tears up*) Yea. My voice was almost lost today, but not enough for it to be “oh, did you lose your voice”, just enough for people to think that I got a sex change or started taking testosterone because my voice was REALLY deep. Lameo. SIRENS IN THE STREET! Just felt like sharing that, I am listening to it now, as I write. Weird, real time, hmmmmmm, meditation. Hey, I’m ADD , what are you?!!!! Ok, so my voice was gay today, what else is new. Well, I went to seminary, and we only got to sing 2 verses (my teacher apparently hates my singing now, and I do too, because I took spring break off, and yup, can’t sing pretty anymore, at least not opera like). At least it passed by fast. Then came ASL. DUHN, DUHN, DUHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I go there, and I see the guy I thought that I liked standing in the hallway, and OF COURSE I walk weirdly and OF COURSE 2 people walk in front of me and I get stuck behind. Thanks. There ain’t nothing like gettin a stuck behind a coupla slowpokers, ain’t nothing. Yet, I made it, striding away. (oh, and every time I try to not intersect with someone, I always do somehow, lame). I go there, and my teacher made us move. You gotta understand, I LOVED my spot. I had my bff there, and a billion other friends in my area. Then she moved me far away where I couldn’t see, I had a meltdown, the class thought I was a weirdo, I didn’t see (like I predicted) and I forgot my best friend’s birthday. Or actually, Idk if she is my bff anymore, we never hang out. Then again, I don’t really hang out with much anyone because I am a home-loner. Yea. I still call her that because we were that way until like 6th or 7th grade. We have a history, and we kinda have a dynamic friendship, but Idk, I am just really socially awkward or something. That’s how it goes down. I was SO EMBARRASSED that I forgot it (when she was one of the few people who remembered mine). Then it was over, asl. I went to lunch, and apparently this one girl (I already talked about on my other blog which I am cheating on right now because they are unavailable) I just decided to give up on her. She’s lame, and she doesn’t want to be my friend so whatever. I changed the desks kinda around. But not enough. So lunch passed without much event. I got my hw done and ate most of my lunch. OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHH MATH WAS THE MOST AWKWARDEST THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know how else to explain it. I was in there, and me and the guy were sitting by each other kinda. I thought he was gonna move to sit with his friends, but he didn’t. (Yay horray, I thought). Sorry, I am kinda trying to breathe, this is really hard for me. We sat there, and OF COURSE, I acted weirdly, because whenever I even suspect that a guy likes me, I act uncomfortably. Idk who gave me that gift, but I’d really like to sock whoever it was because girls are supposed to be graceful and guys awkward, other way around for me. He touched my hand, or maybe I and he mirrored me a few times. We said a few words. Then he said it. (Be warned, I MIGHT BARF). He said I love you, and MY MIND FREAKING JUMPED TO CONCLUSIONS. Stupid thing, sometimes I think it is broken. Then he wanted me to say it back and I aced all weird. WHY DID I ACT WEIRD! Because that is who I am: socially awkward, ESPECIALLY when it comes to love. Then the people behind us started whispering, and I knew what they were whispering about. Yes, I am not that much of an idiot. I wanted to cry, puke, barf, anything, just forget. We had a great math-class dynamic, and just yesterday he said that I was his favorite. I could tell that he was shutting down, so I buried myself in hw, until the bell rang. I told my teacher that I wanted to become an accountant, and he acted in disgust, of course he did, that’s how most people will, but it is what I’m good at. I went to Brit. Lit, and VOWED to move the seats. Seriously, I wanted to DIE right about there. I showed my teacher my paper that I typed for the second time (this one took less than 2 hours to type though). My friends in there talked while my teacher ripped my ahead-of-time outline to shreds. I told them that I wanted to major in accounting with a minor in art…and that my dad went to med school and became a pathologist (so then I should be rich…duhhhhhh) but that my family is thrifty. I think if I were named Tiffany that I wouldn’t have such a thrifty family….just saying. But it is good I guess, it’s gonna help @ college. Then I biked home where more people cut me off. There was an upside, computernerd01 posted an amazingly hilarious video, and that was good…but overall today sucked. Right now, as my mom is sick, I am listening on one ear headphones that already annihilated my right ear and need to exact the same measure on my left, they NEED to. Oh, and Ironically (to me) I finished the chips. Stupid computer making me fat. I am considering missing tomorrow, or at least math. We shall see. For now, I will exist in this humiliated state and hope for tomorrow to not come.

Yup, I haven’t posted forever.

Whatever, I just roll with the punches.

I went on my first date a few weeks ago.

It was the sadies dance, and it was a dress up dance.

We went as woody and Jesse.

It was fun.

I have a story about it on EP, I might have to transfer it over here.

Anyways, I wanted to talk today.

It was pi day today, and it was ok.

I woke up late without even knowing what I was going to wear (because I had worn 5+ outfits all week, and I didn’t want to set up expectations) so I wore my t-shirt with the black capris (they are my sisters, but they are 13, and they will have 5 more years to rack up comfy and functional clothes, I have less than a year).

I thought i was going to be late, as the bell rang when I was driving into the parking lot…..but I wasn’t.

Surprisingly, I was the third one there.

Coolio.

We had a test in gov’t, luckily I stayed up until 1 am last night  studying.

Now before you assume I’m all dedicated and I study all the time….I don’t.

I study the night before/day of the test.

The reason I stayed up so late:

*food

*dentist appointment

*running

*family

*shower

*tv

So, by the time I remembered to study, I had 30 min, and I took quizzes online to see what I knew.

I got a 97%, I missed 1.

I could have had 100% on it, had I followed  my intuition. (I seriously typed that 3 times over because I had caps lock on @ the time).

I was a little bit prideful because I got the highest grade in the class.

Sorry, one of the few times. (emphasis must be place, few is a word that can be varied and changed, haha)

So, I went to seminary feeling good.

At the same time, I felt weird because in certain classes I can look like whatever and be good and in some classes I have to look good. Gov’t is one of those classes that I feel weird if I don’t have a cute outfit on. But I survived, just a little bit shy, not too bad.

Oh, and haha, we had a free response question, and I was feeling creative.

SOOOOOOO, I wrote on the front and back side of the page.

It was fun, I made it rhyme and everything.

=)

Anyways, seminary was boring.

Aside from a big scare.

Ok, so I am autistic. I have come to terms with that. I’m not hugely enough, but if you knew the warning signs, and saw mybehavior and studied it, you could recognize it.

I am fine with that because i have habituated myself enough so that I am semi-normal and I am constantly working on my social skills.

Especially talking.

I use to be great @ it, then ALLOF THE SUDDEN, I don’t understand how to.

I say filler words, I have awkward pauses, I mumble, I don’t talk loud enough (or the converse) and I speak too quick. I thought that was just native to autism (because it is a social disease right).

Well, in seminary (be warned, I am very blunt, and if you get offended easily, don’t read this, because I don’t know if this is mean or not, but this is how I feel, so I am just recognizing my feelings) we have a disabled girl……mentally.

Idk what she has. One day when I was feeling particularly bold and stupid, I asked if she had autism. My teacher just gave me this weird, Nooooooo. I felt AWFUL.

So, the scare.

You know how I use filler words…….

Guess who else uses them, that girl.

The same ones.

Like oh my gosh, and more.

I FREAKED OUT inside my head.

Because when I have friends, I start to imitate them, in how they laugh(thus my snort), and things they say (I’m bored, haha, wow).

She is WAY more handicapped than me. Like, with her, you can tell that she is, obviously. It takes work to find my diagnosis out.

I am not trying to say that she is a subordinate, but I don’t respect her for her specking skills because people just baby her (I do too) and that’s where she gets it from. It wasn’t from her actually trying.

But, I DON’T want to become her. I sit by her, and thus she is sometimes the only one i can talk to, and it SO frustrates me.

Of course I want to be nice and everything, but I don’t want to backtrack on what work I have done verbally and socially.

Idk what to do, luckily, I can express myself here, and MANY other places on the internet. Kinda like a diary, but not. (There are some things the internet will never know, haha, I sound like an evil mastermind.)

Wo. I am typing fast(I think it is because I am on the NEW new computer).

I got in trouble with my little sis for that, because I should be confined to the other one, even though I was already on this.

Thing is, though, when I got up, she didn’t get up and get on it.

So, annoying.

Hey, wait, i was telling about my day.

So, I took the seminary test(75 scripture mastery) and I missed 1.

I called it a couple of days ago.

I knew it would have happened, it does every year.

Call me psychic, or call me experienced.

We got stuff done, and that class was over.

Fun-de-done!!! (I like that, I am SO keeping that!)

Sign was pretty boring, just, you guessed it, signing. (Wow! That was a surprise).

Though I did feel a little awkward because yesterday I blew up over a marker. (long story).

Other than that, it was questions and stuff.

But I did talk about my marathon (it’s my only plans for summer, I’m gonna die!!!!!)

People were impressed.

Yup, I’m good like that.

I went to math for lunch, and a few streamers were on the ceiling, and cans on the ground, and pies on the table.

I told Mr. Hansen that I was going to have a pie @ exactly 12:30, he was astonished, then I told him that my mom was going to bring it.

Haha.

Oh, but sucky thing happened.

So, I have a “friend” in my math and seminary class.

She stopped sitting by me in math (we can choose), and she said it was to see the board.

Foolishly, I believed.

Yet, today, we were in squares, and I put my backpack kitty corner to her.

She moved tables.

I was like “what the hack?!” inside.

I should have expected it (idk why, what did I do to her?)

But, I stood around awkwardly for a few minutes and then went to get my pie @ 12:25.

I was “playing” a metal box like a drum.

The first people (2 girls) there, walked away.

Then, a guy walking by was jamming to it, and I felt better.

Then I found out that it was a black box or whatever, when the worker came to fidget with it.

Haha, that was weird.

Then this one guy came, and stood nearby and started jamming, and I was the MOST AWKWARD PERSON YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.

Lol, I actually did laugh there,

He started tapping actually, and I was like “what do I do with this?”

So I smiled, kept beating, he looked at me in the corner of his eye, I said peace and left.

Yeaaaaa, awkward.

Then I waited for my mom.

Thing is, she said to be there @ EXACTLY 12:30…..it was 12:31.

Wow.

She came @ 12:32.

With a pie that was weird. (oreo-wise)

I got kinda mad @ her, and she yelled kinda back.

Anyways, after that embarrassment in front of who knows who, I went back to math class.

Some girls were there, and that other person was there.

THEN, she started interrogating me about my eating habits.

If you know me, you know that I more than happy to answer  questions about my diet.

I have to give her some credit, she was persistent and in ingenuitive in ways to annoy me. (Btw, that word, is not a word, but it should be).

Finally, I mean FINALLY, it was time for class.

I brought oreo pie, and that was my saving grace. (Because our class is lame, 1 person brought a pie, 1 person a cake, and 1 person cookies). That’s about it. Sad, I know.

This one guy was Really  happy about that.

Everyone loved it, it was gone when I came back after 5th hour.

We played Trigo (which my teacher claimed that he invented).

I got to sit with all my friends in there, and we had a table of 7….to 8 .

It was SO nice, that same guy saw that this other guy was sitting all by himself, so he invited him over (I mean, first he had to figure his name out[ I didn’t know either, so I don’t really have the right to criticize])but it was really nice.

Wait, I can’t say oh my gosh, ummmmmmm, Wo,

Trigo was, unfair, and fair.

First of all, we weren’t supposed to cheat.

Ha!

Our entire table told each other (now that’s the kind of teamwork I like, haha) all the values (mostly).

AND, they even stood up for me.

When I accidentally yelled Trigo (when I thought i had it, and if I didn’t, I would be out), they said that I didn’t say it.

That put a smile on my face. =)

But what wad lame was my luck.

Our table had 4 winners. (and there were 2 or 3 others from various tables).

I wasn’t one of them.

I was SO close sometimes

Yet, I am over it, but it still sucks.

What was really lame/funny:

I heard something someone said in class.

It sounded like Mr. Hamster.

LOL, I said it out loud.

My teacher started slamming me about my fiber ones and trigo incident.

Wow, but whatever.

But it is a good name.

Lol, that was good.

I went to Brit Lit, and surprisingly, it was a bad day.

Well, @ first, I went in there and the guy who I think likes me (we’ll call him C) said Hey, and I said Sup, and then he said hows it going, and I said, good you, and I said hapy pie day, and we got interrupted.

Now, while that sounds like  a REALLY deep conversation, it is better than what I had just overcome.

Because normally, when he says hows it going, I say Sup.

I could almost guarantee it to ya.

But today, I got it right.

I’m not sure if he likes me or not, and you’ll see why later.

But that class sucked because we didn’t get knighted today, and we only got lickrish(not spelled right, I know) for our effort.

Thing is, Idk if I can eat that, so I denied.

Then, we worked on outlines.

She was going around the room, and writing the paper for some people…basically.

So, She was about to get to me.

Then, C, jumps to the empty seat on my left (someone sits on the right), so he can go before.

But, I didn’t get that @ first.

I thought he wanted to sit by me, after all, the other  guy in there (who is SUPER hot, and smart, and cool, and awesome….we’ll call him C2) who I like, sat by one of my friends because they were friends from another class. I had a class with C before, so I thought he wanted my help or something.

Nope.

I was heartbroken, ok, maybe a little bit over-dramatic, but I was a little bit sad.

I hope C2 didn’t see my face.

One thing did go good, I was freaking out about having to write my outline in class (because I TYPE those things, NOT write, I suck whenI just free write), and we didn’t have to since she only got to about half the class.

Happy.

But, as I was biking home, I remembered something unhappy, and similarly happy.

I HAVE to stay home during spring break…with my family.

I am going to die fighting for computers and freedom.

Yet, it is my last Spring Break @ home, which made me REALLY happy!!!

I got home, and got online.

I was in a crappy mood, and I found a site which gave me awesome free (truly free) songs, for posting on my twitter.

That led me to read that, because I have had a Twitter longer than I had  fb.

I read that, and realized that I had grown and progressed in a lot of things.

I went on a first date, Pr-ed in the turkey trot, got an fb, let my brother go on a mission, and started training for a marathon.

So, I have grown up, and that made me happy, and grateful.

Then I found a REALLY cools site where you could write a letter to your future self.

And of COURSE I took a hold of that opportunity.

Yup.

then I remembered this place, and I really had an urge to write.

So, I FINALLY wrote everything down, and I have put down over 2000 word already.

Crazy.

Well, I gotta go, that tells my day.

Oh, and there was an earthquake this morning in Japan apparently.

Scary.

Luckily I live in a desert.

Oh, and I just felt like sharing that I am really scared about my food situation.

It seems like every food is the enemy.

My only constituents (btw, I like throwing random big words into my writing to sound smarter, when in reality, I probably don’t know what it means) are beans, potatoes, rice, bannanas, popcorn, apples, fiber ones, cashews, and tillamook cheese.

For now anyways.

Everything reminds me of grossness, and it is driving me CRAZY.

I honestly might try to see a hypnotist when I go to college.

That’s how much it scares me.

Yup.

Idk, you know what, Idk if I should say what is freaking me out. ihht esi. If I can decode that in the future, then I will know. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I am AWESOME. =)

I like making up codes, that’s why I LOVE ASL.

That’s why when this gril said that she “just took” ASL, I was shocked.

I’ve been trying to make up languages since I was in elementary school. (mostly to communicate to my friends, but now, I use ASL to myself when I am mad. Or on other people who don’t know it, haha, that is always the best, they are so out of it).

Anyways, I probably should be done writing n0w, but I really want to get to 2500 words, I am currently @ 2475.

I guess anyways.

I really, really, really want to get to there.

So I will type meaningless stuff until I do.

Where am I ?

Ok, Bye.

2500. =)

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